Nicklebag Cracks a Gambling Ring

Nicklebag Joe Arpaio was just glowing, as he stood beside his miniature pinture, Maricopa County District Attorney Andrew Thomas. The show was adorned with a huge flow chart of mug shots, all the dots connected through the intensive investigative work of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Department.

They were announcing the indictment of thirty-six persons resulting from an online gambling bust in Arizona last April:



Sheriff Joe thinks the folks depicted in his flow chart are connected with the Gambino and Colombo families. This delusion is largely a result of senility, a profound sense of self-importance and Nicklebag's penchant for watching Godfather movies.

Its kind of like that Honduran gang MS-13, which is actually Salvadoran, and according to legitimate and sane law enforcement officers, has no presence in Arizona. But we are all pleased that for the past two years, Maricopa County Sheriff Deputies have been dispatched to Honduran resort areas to investigate:



Ok, enough of that bullshit.

However before selling the Sheriff short, don't forget that as a DEA agent, Arpaio was able to earn the nick “Nicklebag” because of his uncanny ability to bust two bit dealers.

The most recent publicity stunt started when some sore loser wasn't paying his gambling tab. The bookie did not bust his knee caps or anything. Some guys just went and took some of the debtor's furniture and other personal crap. But the crybaby went running to the authorities.

This sort of thing used to be unheard of. Its all because the mob has gotten soft.

Of course, if he had taken out a second mortgage and used the proceeds to bet on the Arizona Lottery or at an Indian Reservation, his home would now be in foreclosure.

But these guys, unlike the state, were willing to give him a personal line of credit. And then he stiffed them.

Nicklebag now plans to go after some of the people who placed bets online in Arizona. Who cares that it is not illegal under Arizona law. Niceties like that have never bothered the Sheriff.

Besides, call me an anarchist, but I just don't think it should be a felony for a person to sit in their bedroom playing a few online hands of poker.

Arizona's pious Senator, and Nicklebag pal, Jon Kyl begs to differ with me. It is one of those things that is destroying the youth:

"Online poker is currently the most addictive form of gambling activity among American youth. The National Annenberg Risk Survey of Youth (ages 14 to 22) over the last few years has identified rising trends in poker and Internet gambling as significant and worrisome."

Apparently Senator Kyl is not aware that according to the Arizona Survey on Problem Gambling in 2006 out of more than 60,000 students (grades 8 through 12) surveyed, 13,117 were frequent gamblers and 92.4% have never gambled on the Internet. And only 69.4% have never played the lottery or scratch tickets.

It seems to me the biggest threat to the youth is the Arizona Lottery. But I guess thats different.

Lets face it, you know you are in a police state when the government is going to lock you up for sitting alone in your home filling out a few online March Madness brackets.

I don't know whats the matter with them--but that seems to be what the people of Arizona want.

They keep electing Joe Arpaio over and over again ,precisely because he is a a hyper-aggressive, evil, delusional clown, dedicated to the enforcement of the nanny state.