Losing Virginity for Net Neutrality

Just like their music, entitlement-oriented hippies never die, they just keep on driving you crazy.

The parents of the hippies fought a war to save democracy, and then busted their nuts to build a suburban world, so prosperous their pampered children would never have to struggle. In return the kids gave them ulcers and drove them to Valium.

The hippies then shed their clown clothes and became yuppies, giving a whole new meaning to selfishness, building our hollow culture of conspicuous consumption.

And now they are CEO's , elder statesmen, and fried senior citizens determined to bust the social security system, but full of lots of good tips on such things as going green

One of the richest old hippies around is gazillionaire Sir Richard Branson, who controls the Virgin Empire, and is always preaching to us about carbon footprints, and does such lamebrain things as trying to run an airliner on coconut oil.

The hippies have always been inventive with fruit. For a period of time they tried to smoke banana peels.

But one thing hippies have never liked were people who don't see things their way, or cost them any money. In their youth the tactic was to throw tantrums and shout them down. So it is no surprise that these days, in a multitude of ways, they are censorship freaks.

Sir Richard's Virgin Media has announced that Net Neutrality is a bunch of "bollocks." This is one of those quaint Brit terms and means the same thing as rocky mountain oysters, not to be confused with the traditional Scottish dish of thistles and deep fried Mars Bars.

Virgin Media, which provides half the broadband access in the UK, is going to put the throttle on certain sites. In fact the feudal chieftain of Virgin Media announced he is already doing deals to deliver certain content more rapidly thorough the tubes. If you don't cough up the extra dough, they will banish you to the “bus lane.”

However, I suppose sites about the traumas endured by polar bears will get a free express lane pass.

Since you can count on the government doing nothing effective to keep the circuits open, all we can really do is make the feeble gesture of switching our ISP.

But if you are a virgin and also support Net Neutrality, everyone's favorite politically aware Globe Trotting Tramp, Tania Derveaux, wants to fuck you.

The last time we heard from Tania she was running for the Belgium parliament on a promise of 40,000 blowjobs.

But this time she is doing the full monty, as a way of allegorically screwing Virgin Media and saving the Internet. Her travel expenses to reach your bedroom are on the house.

The two virgins who read this blog might like to fill out an application (and I sure as heck hope this is an equal orientation opportunity). But I really don't understand how this furthers the cause.

Some might even argue this demonstrates why some web sites should be permanently stalled in the bus lane.