California Mandates Tan Lines

Blame it on federal workplace discrimination laws—but you can no longer get rid of those tan lines at San Onofre State Beach .

For thirty years it has been the policy of the California State Park Rangers, to leave the skinny dippers and nude sunbathers alone at San Onofre, a beach at the northern tip of San Diego County.

However, Rich Haydon, acting superintendent for San Onofre State Beach, has announced that the policy has been superseded by his interpretation of the federal Civil Rights Act.

The Act protects employees from being embarrassed or indirectly harassed due to a “sexually charged” workplace.

The Superintendent says that many of his employees are uncomfortable, going about their duties, and encountering naked people, and on rare occasions, nudists getting it on (though being disrobed while performing this activity is not confined to clothing optional beaches).

“We are duty-bound to take care of our employees and take care of this situation,” he said.

My what a broad tent the Nanny State is—it is big enough for the bitchiness of Gloria Steinem , as well as the exploding head of James Dobson.

What is it with Americans and nudity?

On most beaches I am required to wear a top , even though there are flabby guys bouncing around with breasts much larger than mine. Other than finding the images aesthetically displeasing, I could care less, and certainly do not feel that I have been harassed in any way.

One of the problems is the perception in America that going au naturale is titillating, if not down right pornographic.

And these days it seems anything like this turns into a perv magnet.

It's like this beach on Puget Sound off the Evergreen State College campus in Washington State. The little beach, which is only accessible by a two mile walk through the woods, is a gem and has always been clothing optional. When I was a teenager we used to frolic and swim down there any time we could.

Last summer I was back in Olympia. On one rare PNW sunny day, I decided to head down there with one of my old girlfriends. We found signs posted prohibiting nudity and warning the beach was patrolled. I was a bit taken back—but decided not to risk embarrassing my parents by getting arrested for indecent exposure (and probably being required to register as a sex offender).

I was later talking to some people, and learned the problem was not fundie outrage. It was the pervs who hung out in the bushes jacking off. And of course, they brought their cameras, saving the sights for future jollies, as well as sometimes broadcasting the whole thing live on the Net for the benefit of homebound creeps.

As anyone who has ever been to a clothing optional beach knows, a person has to be seriously kinky, and not in a good way, to find the sight extraordinarily erotic. The truth is that most of the people there, really should be dressed.

You will never actually see a sign like this:



Not even a non-sexist prohibition.

One might think that watching average Joe and Josie naked people , most of whom have saggy breasts and wrinkly asses , would soon desensitize even the most committed voyeuristic creep.

But, for some reason, in America, we have a lot more of this type of deeply disturbed perv than does Europe.

Perhaps their mamas didn't breastfeed them.

Whatever---it's too bad we have to ruin things for everyone, just because of the occasional perv, or the state park ranger that is offended by the site of the human body.

Wouldn't it make more sense to just lock up the pervs, before they do something more serious?

And tell the offended employees to grow up.



P.S.--

Don't forget that the new season of Army Wives starts tonight on Lifetime.

~Becky