Bring Back Nude Olympic Games

That's it, this is ridiculous--we need to go back to the way of the ancient Olympics , and athletes perform their feats in the nude—at the very least, the swimmers. And if some guy's big schlong causes too much drag—that's too bad —it's just the way the balls bounce.

Even the buttoned-down guys at Bloomberg agree with me.

In case you haven't heard, Team USA swimmers will be outfitted in aerodynamically designed corsets, called the Speedo LZR Racer –- it makes them spectacularly fast.

It also makes them look like great grandpappy frolicking at Coney Island:



Admittedly, I am far from being an expert on the Olympics. My interest in the summer games really only began when Rhythmic Dancing and women's wrestling became Olympic sports. But , it seems to me that these performance enhancing suits are no different than doping.

What's next-- a pair of batman wings on the high jumpers?

So nudity really is the only way to go. As far back as 1972 Cathy Rigby was promoting the idea of retro Olympics fashions, at least as far as gymnastics and swimming. Cathy felt it would be more aesthetic, and to prove her point she posed without a stitch on a balance beam, for the benefit of Sports Illustrated's aesthetically-obsessed readers:



Other Olympians have shown no reluctance to strip, at least when the money was right.

Katarina Witt has posed in her birthday suit on numerous occasions:



During the 2004 games there was a whole bevy of athletic strippers—including Amanda Beard, Haley Cope and Logan Tom.

It might seem like the girls are on the cutting edge of getting back to the true Olympic Spirit. But some Olympian guys also get into the original spirit of the games:



In Athens, the Olympic games were a two week festival of sweaty well hung men, performing to the delight of men and women equally.

And you can not tell me that when red blooded American men are glued to their TV sets watching the guys wrestle, there is not something latent going on. Non-WWF Wrestling is just not that entertaining —nor swimming, gymnastics, rhythmic dancing—nor 80% of the stuff they do in the Olympics.

Of course, back in Athens, women did not participate in the games—the male hierarchy was not really into chicks. But in Sparta, women raced, tossed the discus and javelin, and wrestled nude--and there was the isle of Lesbos.

Of course, it has to be the same for everyone in our egalitarian society. And by equal I do not mean the guys wear loin cloths.

Back in college I used to get really pissed that the male models in art class always wore a g string or an ugly jock strap. But the women models posed in all their glory, all in the cause of making undergraduates into proficient artists.

Not that I personally care about looking at dicks. But I am a fair-minded person, and I know that most women, and not a few men, would appreciate getting a view of the works, in the overall context of a hunky athlete.

In all seriousness, having athletes outfitted in the traditional Olympian uniform seems a lot more wholesome than the girls objectifying themselves for Playboy and Maxim, or the fellows doing Unzipped.

And it is more fair than hydrodynamic swimming suits which, for all I know, contain internal miniature propellers.

Whitey Still Leery of Obama

I hate to bring this up, but if Barack Obama was a white male he would be a shoo in. Bush has been an unmitigated disaster. We are at war on two continents and the economy is in the tank.

The president's popularity is about as low as it can possibly get—seeing as a sizeable portion of the population is permanently off their rocker.

This is the kind of despair that ushered in the Reagan Revolution.

And lets face it-- McCain really is McBush—he may be a bit more honest, differ a bit on global warming—but it is the same old thing—with the same old people filling all the cabinet positions.

McCain is an uninspiring old white guy, with an attractive trophy wife, that is old enough to be many people's grandmother.

Obama is a young, intelligent , charismatic guy with a wife, who has been compared to Jackie O, and two young adorable kids.

It should be the myth of Camelot all over again.

At this point it should be a cakewalk for Obama. Instead he is grappling with a four to seven point lead.

And it has nothing to do with issues. Voters are, understandably most concerned about the economy, but neither McCain nor Obama offer a single good idea.

But that is not surprising, most voters don't really vote on issues.

No, Obama has the same type of problem JFK had in 1960. Kennedy was a Cathylick. Although these days this is only an issue in some of the deepest backwaters of the Red States , in 1960 the idea of a Catholic president was a big deal.

This was brought home to me, on one of the many days I was sent to the principal's office in high school. The old nun had a yellowed picture of John Kennedy still hanging in a place of prominence, next to the Pope.

One time I was able to change the subject at hand, by asking about the portrait—and for the first time realized what prejudice there was against Catholics at that time--and how earth shattering his election was for American Catholics.

But the only reason Kennedy pulled off the 1960 election, was the Mob had the resources to raise several thousand Cook County voters from the dead on election day.

Tricky Dick Nixon really beat the guy—and the big reason the country preferred the shady used car salesman was that his attractive opponent was a Catholic.

Obama's race was not a real big deal during the primaries. It was kinda like the white parents who have no problem letting their daughter go to a dance with a black guy. This makes them feel quite good about themselves. But if the couple comes back engaged—well, they get to thinking maybe those whites only dances were not so bad after all:



Likewise, the presidential election is not interracial dating, it is interracial marriage. Polls are showing there is still a huge racial divide, and it is playing out in the election.

Most people these days are not overtly racist---it is much more subtle that that. People say they don't know where Obama stands on the issues. I may often disagree with him , but I have no difficulty in finding his positions on key issues—and when, like McCain, he has flip flopped or obfuscated the whole thing.

That's not the real reason.

The real reason many white folks, who would otherwise be gungho on throwing the Republicans out on their duff, are still unsure on Obama, is they can not wrap their hearts around a brother.

Obama is a talented guy, and like all successful African-Americans , he will work twice as hard, and I suspect a number of the timid will be persuaded.

But at the end of the day, it may be so close, that the next election will be like 1960—decided, one way or the other, by fraud.

Estate Planning for Gays, Lesbians & Everyone Else

Probably after we get through this little economic bump in the road, no one will have a penny to their name anyway, so this piece of unsolicited advise is totally useless. But just in case, I am putting on my barrister wig,and droning on about something practical for once—estate planning.

I was spurred into action by an article in Lesbiatopia yesterday about Powers of Attorney, and the Mary Spencer Watson Lesbian Spawn Will Challenge. Although, my attention was drawn to the importance of gays and lesbians doing proper estate planning—this stuff is equally applicable to everyone.

I should also do the obligatory disclaimer that this is not legal advise. In fact, if you want to do the right thing with your estate planning don't do it with software, or some book you picked up at Barnes and Nobel, or an insurance company, financial planner, etc--and certainly don't rely on any crap you see on the Net. Go to a lawyer in your state, who knows what they are doing—and that does not mean some schmuck who knows how to spit a will out of their word processor.

You probably have heard that everyone should have a will. The truth is, actually no one should have a will, at least as the primary method they wish to leave their earthly belongings to their loved ones.

Wills are cheap for a reason. Lawyers consider them to be their retirement plan. In the course of a career, the marginally competent shyster will pump out hundreds or thousands of wills. Then when you kick the bucket, lawyer (or lawyer's derelict son or daughter) ends up probating the estate. And they will take you to the cleaners, only you will not be around to belly ache. And presumably your heirs will be too broken up to care.

Then there are all those court costs and delays that always occur, whenever anything is brought to court. Just like everyone wants to avoid courts in their lifetime, don't bequeath this miserable experience to your heirs.

But for gays and lesbians, and anyone else who may have second wives, second husbands, kids that hate them, kids they don't know about and so on, there is a real big reason you don't want this stuff to get in court.

After you have finally succumbed to lesbian bed death----shyster (or successor spawn) will go down to the probate court and file the will. The clerk will then send out notices to all your known relatives inviting them to file objections.

And of course, what does homophobic parent, brother, sister, uncle thrice removed do? File an objection, since they have been cut out. It's a real simple process. They take the notice to a lawyer, and even if they are not virulently homophobic, or do not hate your guts, the objection will be filed for two very good reasons.

First, everyone is greedy, especially over this kind of money--before your body is cold, they will be wondering if they got anything.

Second, lawyers are exceptionally greedy—and they make money by causing trouble. So they will advise your disinherited relatives to go ahead and file an objection. They will tell them this is to “protect their rights.” Whenever lawyers say this, they really mean “to line my pockets.”

So the thing will make its ways through the court. The lawyers might claim that some technical requirement was not met, or that you were bat ass crazy when you did the will—you had to be—after all you were a freakin' gay person. Most of the time these piranhas are bought off with some relatively “small” portion of the estate—its cheaper then paying the lawyers to fight it out.

The solution is to do a living trust. This is a document that should be drawn up by a competent estate planning attorney. It costs more than a will by a long shot—but pays for itself many times over after you have gone to that great softball game in the sky.

A trust is created. A trust is kinda like a small family corporation. You are the trustee (like a CEO). The trust is totally revocable during your lifetime, and can be amended. You place all your property—real estate, bank accounts, even automobiles in the name of the trust.

During your lifetime you are the sole trustee and beneficiary of the trust—so nothing really changes except the title on your property. Instead of Dana Dyke being on the title of your bank accounts, it will be the Dana Dyke Living Trust, or whatever name you want to call it, so long as it is decent.

But the beauty is, after you die, the trust continues to exist as a legal entity. In the trust you name a successor trustee—it might be your partner, or any other trusted person. And in the trust you specify what you want the successor trustee to do with your property upon your demise.

For example, you may want most of it to continue in trust for the care of your minor child, but once they are grown it is to go to your partner, or the cute bartender you have been jonesing after for the last twenty-five years--- however you want to divide and control your money from the great beyond—hee hee hee.

The point is—it all happens outside court. The successor trustee will probably have to get some advise from a lawyer or accountant, but that is nothing like the nightmare that probate court proceedings can be. And most importantly, there is nothing your bigoted or greedy relatives can do about it.

You can just sit up there on a celestial cloud, and give them the final one finger salute.

Since there are all those selfish, profoundly wealthy homos, there is another reason gays, in particular, need to pay attention to estate planning—and that is death taxes. You will not get all the benefits of marital deductions, even if California and Massachusetts consider you legit. Some special things need to be done to keep the Feds from stealing 55% or more of your lifetime savings.

So any rate, even if you aren't filthy rich right now, and totally expect we will all be living in caves within the next decade—just in case, it's worth your time to visit a bonafide estate planning attorney (gays and lesbians can also check with GLAAD for a list of lawyers sensitive to your particular legal problems).

Living Trusts are for everyone, not just the wealthy.

It is one of those things the wealthy do, that keeps them wealthy.



P.S.--This is kind of related, and I want to put it out because for the third time I have heard this misinformation about the amount the FDIC insures if a bank fails. They insure $100,000 per depositor per institution NOT $100, 000 per account--as several financial "experts" and news reports (including ABC Nightly News) have negligently and irresponsibly maintained.

~Becky

Magic Jesus on the Skids

Yesterday was a bad day for comedy.

It became abundantly clear that nothing is, ever will be, could be funny about Barack Obama—and why would anyone think there should be. Any comedian who tries to make an authentic messiah funny, has a tough row to hoe.

However, as usual, Jib Jib has come up with something that should amuse everyone except Barack Obama (who lets face it, is not a jolly fellow), but he will be pleased that the equally humorless Muslims are only a fleeting presence:

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

But on the heels of the New Yorker excruciatingly over- analyzed cover, came the news that everyone's favorite cum mouth Jewish American Princess lost the love for her Magic Jesus.

Dear Lord, if Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman can't make it, who can?

However one thing is for sure--it's the end of comedic gnosticism--though there is still Kabbalah I guess.

But lets face it, there comes a point in every Jewish girl's life when, in a moment of revelation, there is a neurotic thunderbolt from the heavens, and she realizes that, though fat comedians with boring cock may be comforting, just maybe there is an alternative:



Now what a girl does with this sacred knowledge is up to her—only the bitchy need apply.

Besides, there is always Guillermo, so long as Hillary Duff doesn't get there first:



But, may I suggest, before jumping the Mex, you try bar stool racing:



Yep, that's what all the cool girls are doing.

Clowns and Mormons Swinging on a Pole

Oh my gosh, its getting stupid out there again.

Bartlett, Tennessee mayor, Kevin MacDonald, not to be confused with his cousin Ronald, has shut down pole dancing in his burg.

Not that there was any stripping going on in Bartlett, “a well-kept town in the heart of Shelby County where its numerous families and quality public schools make it a great place to raise a family,” but they want to nip it in the bud.

And one way to stop any swinging is to shut down a gym, where fully clothed soccer moms are using a pole to exercise. They won't even let men into the gym.

But that's the way these things get started—one minute they're swinging on a pole, and the next thing you know the men will have to fix their own dinners:



Chock one up for the kind of stupidity that creates desperate housewives, and undermines that whole family values thing.

Moving on to Utah, the creator of the Mormon missionary beefcake calendar, Mormons Exposed, has been excommunicated.

Chad Hardy put together a calendar, composed of himself and several other hunky male Mormon missionaries, posed in religiously compromised positions. Apparently, exposing your armpits is a sin with the Latter Day Saints crowd.

The beefcakes all had their pants on—and look like something you might see at a beach or construction site:



Something like this would probably be more appropriate:



Anyway Chad is going to hell. He was formally excommunicated today.

But if any of you straight girls, or gay guys, would like a calendar, they are still available here: Mormons Exposed

Moving south a state—Arizona's evil clown, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was at it again.

He snuck into Mesa to arrest some Mexican looking drivers , for such things as having a cracked windshield. If the drivers didn't have the proper papers with them, they were issued pink underwear and warehoused in Joe's Tent City until they can be shipped South of the Border.

The last time he did this in Mesa, the police chief sent out some officers to make sure things didn't get out of hand. That really ticked off Nicklebag—so this time Sheriff Joe brought the posse in surreptitiously:



What a spectacular blowbag.

In the end, a couple dozen melon pickers and dishwashers were detained on misdemeanor immigration beefs. But it fed the fear in Maricopa County, and that is what Joe admits is his objective.

I'm sure that Nicklebag's biggest fan, United for a Sovereign America stalwart and XXXXL masseuse, Brandy Baron was pleased with the days events.

And the people of the State of Arizona, and the Republic as a whole, are much safer now. These Mexicans are by far the biggest problem we are facing.

At least that seems to be the consensus.

Like I said, it's getting stupid out there.